Personal Truths // No Longer Relying On Pretty.






Shirt: H&M  | Leggings: Next Clutch: Next  Vest: Asos  | Shoes:  Next
 Bracelets: H&M, Gina Stewart Cox, Topshop  Rings: Ernest Jones, Jessops, H-Samuels, Ebay

Personal Truths

I use to hate androgynous outfits as they didn't look pretty. I believed that women should try to dress for their shape and to make an effort, for me pretty was what I aimed for. Growing up I felt like I looked too masculine and unconventional; clumsy even so I had to try harder than my friends to look feminine enough to pass as OK.  Growing up I didn't have the perfect start to life but it's something I never would change, my mum had her own issues and tended to pick apart how I looked I suppose to ease her internal anger. I love my mum don't get me wrong, she is my everything alongside my husband and children, but I don't agree with certain parts of my upbringing and I do not believe you should ever make a child feel ugly. 

Of course once I reached school I just felt ugly, In my mind I never felt like I looked good enough, I kept on picking away at my looks and ultimately my confidence. I took light-hearted comments too seriously and it did cause me some problems with friendships and relationships years later.  I tried everything to feel better but it was the weight aspect that hurt the most, In my mind I would never be thin enough to wear anything masculine, baggy or grungy for fear of them making me look butch and fat. 

It was only after having my first son, and seeing the shock of what pregnancy does to the body to the female body that my state of mind changed. I was distraught and very much depressed by my looks, I couldn't see how I would ever re-gain my femininity or 'myself' in the future, but on the other hand I never once regretted having my son. Pregnancy was tough on my petite frame but they do say everything happens for a reason. Luckily I was in a loving and stable relationship and hubster loved me, every inch of me and my pregnancy war wounds, I realised that It was no longer about me and that everything I did, I did for my sons. 

You might be reading this and thinking how vain I sound, but the reality was so far from that ideology. I remember getting my hair cut in to a chin length bob and my cousin asking why I had cut it so short, I replied with 'I can no longer rely on being pretty', I was now a mother and I was going to be a damned strong, confident  and beautiful one.  I stopped caring about how I looked, (well not so much caring more nit-picking), I realised that as long as my clothing spoke some truth about who I was, looked put together and tidy that I would look fine. 

So while it may just seem like a pretty casual and plain outfit I've popped up as my outfit of the day, this outfit is one that I feel quite strongly about. It's tight (leggings), shapeless and larger (shirt) and all one colour.  There is nothing pretty or hugely feminine about it and for me it shows how far I've come emotionally and mentally. 

Seven years on and I definitely feel that I have grown into my looks as an older and wiser woman, I have jiggly bits, I have flubby bits and sure I have grays and wrinkles and to be honest I wouldn't change any of them for the world. Have you guys ever had this issue with certain styles? 

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