Emotions || Understanding The 'Love' Emotion

This post is way out of the ordinary for me but I decided over the weekend to get a little bit more real, I'm not talking about spots, lipstick issues and the typical stuff. I'm talking about feminine issues, emotional issues and the real stuff that we as ladies go through - Over the last four months I've come to realise more about myself as a person and a female (weird right?) and it dawned on me that hell, there's probably loads of people out there who are in the same boat. This first post covers emotions - something I've never been good with dealing with and showing/sharing due to vulnerability and trust. By numbing myself to most emotions throughout my life I suppose I never really understood exactly what they meant and how they felt. So went through a large chunk of my past just being emotionless. 

The most major emotion that I was defunct on was the 'love' emotion now don't get me wrong here, I am married and have been married happily for twelve years. I can honestly say that I love husband more every single year and funnily enough he said the same thing to me a few nights back. If we didn't love each other, we wouldn't be together - he's my soul mate. It's as simple as that. However, the love emotion terrified me. Before hubster I wasn't someone who wanted marriage, I didn't trust love, so I didn't let love affect me. The same can be said for a few other emotions. 

The issue with ''love'' and emotion as a whole was that I honestly believed that there were a handful of emotions and that was that. You either loved someone or didn't - there was no middle ground. It's clear I was very detached from feeling any of the ''feels'' as I believed that the emotions that we felt as a human fell into a few categories with no deviations.

Those emotions were - happy, sad, angry, love, lust, and lost.

I honestly believe that everyone who was happy had to be the same type of happy because happy describes the same thing, right? Similarly, I believed that all forms of lust were the same - if you were lustful for someone you simply wanted them, with no attachments. I believed that all anger was the same and, I believed that all love was the same. Love was someone who you lusted for and wanted to be with, to wake up to each and every day. Clear cut and very simple...! As a married lady love comes naturally to me. I love my husband wholeheartedly, I will always love my husband. I know love to be a real, heart-achingly deep, stomach filled with butterflies type of love - surely this is ''love'' in its only form ? But then I started to think about the actual term and came to realise that I was an idiot.

See my daily life changed a few months back - I suddenly found myself surrounded by people who were like me, who treated me like an equal and that was weird. Good weird, but still weird. In such a short space of time I bonded with this new bunch and for the first time in oh, gosh, years I know I'd found 'my weirdo's' like these people were cut from the same cloth. So yes I called them friends. And I meant it. I cared about their lives, how they were and I genuinely loved finding out more about these people - with each question and communication I knew what I felt was rare, at least for me. It was strange - feeling emotions for people I'd just met, I felt vulnerable. But, instead of being an idiot I wanted to keep chipping away at them, at myself and to see if maybe if this was what it felt like to have friends, to feel accepted - normal almost. These people fascinated me. It was strange, I've never been much of a people person but here I was excited about going to work to see my weirdos and with each day that passed I only found that they were more and more awesome. I'd come home and my face would light up when I talked about them - even hubster grew to know them without having met them. 

I soon came to realise that you can come into contact with people throughout your life who bring something amazing into it and in the same breath, I realised there are some people who bring the opposite. Those people usually disappear as quickly as they came and, over time you forget about that type of person and why they were ever in your life. Then there are people who come into your life and you feel that you've known them for years, forever even. 

So how can you care about people that you know you'll never play a defining role in their lives? Who you'll never date, marry, live with, hate kiss, have any sort of sexual interaction with? Surely you would have to do one of those things to feel an emotion - say lust, hate or sadness? So what did it all mean? My original little list of emotions didn't fit with this new situation. This bamboozled me.

I knew that I was married so it was never a lust sort of emotion (and to be fair I'm not a lusty type of person). I knew that there was an emotion there - but how can you have a variety of people in your life all sharing the same emotion - it boggled me. But then I remembered that you can care for more than one person at a time. Caring for more than one person doesn't mean that you feel for the same for each and every person, it just doesn't hold the same value - for example, I have my husband, I love him with my soul, my body and my whole being. I then have other people who I am so over protective about even though there's no need for me to be but yet, I am, I feel those people apathetically, they inspire me, they wake up my mind,  and magnetically their energy is similar to mine so much so they touch me deep in my heart yet, but also not in the same way as other people do? Was it a kindred spirit type of connection, again that's not an emotion or I didn't believe it to be, it was a term used loosely but I was starting to doubt my preconception that it was 'only' a term or label.  

Yet if you look up the descriptors for this new sense of emotion Google would define it as love - so surely that meant it was love? But I knew it was different, that could only mean that love wasn't always so cut and dry. Love or at least the original pre-conceived idea of what love was. Or so I was starting to believe.

Then I thought back, I knew that the love I felt for husbster, was a different love from my parents, and again it's a completely different kettle of fish to the love that I feel for my sons. Even all of that love is different from the kindred love you can feel for others. This gave me a huge ah-ha moment like I'd just found out something new that no-one else had, again I knew I was wrong - I knew that I was trailing behind others when it came to really understanding and feeling emotion but at thirty-two this was an incredible find and a bit of a personal breakthrough. 

So the word 'love' I suppose simply means someone who lives in your heart, whether they stay for a while or forever. I'm not too worried about the length of time they stay but it feels nice to have felt and understood this emotion in my lifetime. I've come to the conclusion that I can say I love someone without it meaning anything negative or scary. Another great part of understanding this was the fact that hubster understood it - he agreed from a male perspective that yes, you can absolutely love more than just a select few and that hey, that's OK. Again he agreed that so many people are scared of the term - his words 'that's their issue' 

So many people are scared of the word ''love'' and what it equates to possibly because they must feel the same way I used to - have those people not clicked onto the many variations of what love is, how it's felt and that it's not always about fancying people, being sexually in love with a person or wanting to be? If so that makes me slightly sad.But because I'm generally closed off to people in person I'll stick to labels such as soul mate, friend, kindred spirit, twin flame and all of the other cutesy bohemian type labelling to actually describe the place that people live in my heart. Love - is just a generic label. Funny how things change, especially as I viewed words such as kindred spirit as being the 'generic' labels. 

But, in the short term this lady is slowly getting it - understanding the world around me and the world inside me and it's breathtaking.  I recommend you join in! Don't be scared to say you love someone - even if they don't get it. If anything watching them squirm, once, twice, three times or more will only break down their walls so they are more comfortable with being told that they are loved.

Sometimes people just aren't told that their loveable enough. You should change that for them. 

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Beauty || Guide To Looking And Feeling Your Best

We all have bad days when we don’t feel quite like ourselves. Whether it’s because you don’t feel yourself or can’t get your look quite right, it can be a big blow to our self-confidence. So there is no wonder that lots of us try constantly changing our beauty regime to ensure we’re always looking great. Being able to step out the front door looking fab is a great confidence booster! But there is more to feeling and looking good than just being great at makeup. So many different factors affect how we look and feel. To help you ace your look every time, we’ve come up with this ultimate guide to looking and feeling your best.

Get Plenty of Beauty Sleep

You’ll have heard lots of people refer to it as beauty sleep. And it’s easy to see why it has got this reputation for helping us look so good! If you aren’t sleeping enough, you will end up feeling tired and very lethargic the next day. This isn’t going to do your overall mood any good! You will end up feeling cranky and irritable all day, especially if you have to go to work. But lack of sleep doesn’t just have a negative effect on your moods. It can also be detrimental to your skin. If you don’t sleep well, your body is more likely to produce stress hormones. These often trigger skin ailments, such as acne and psoriasis. This can quickly turn into a vicious cycle, as itchiness from the skin conditions can keep you awake at night. Which, in turn, causes the skin conditions to develop. Another reason why you need your beauty sleep is to do with skin hydration. Your skin balances its hydration as you sleep. If you don’t get enough sleep, you aren’t giving your skin chance to do this. A poor water balance in your skin results in puffy eyes and can encourage wrinkles to develop.

Eat a Balanced Diet

You are what you eat, so eating a healthy, balanced diet can help you feel fantastic! Many processed foods are not good for us, and if your diet includes too many of these, you will end up feeling sluggish and bloated. To make sure you know exactly what is going into your food, cook from scratch as often as you can. Include lots of fresh fruit and vegetables as possible into your meals. Your body also needs plenty of protein so it can continue to grow and repair itself. When shopping try to find healthy sources of protein, such as lean chicken breasts and lentils. Keep your carbohydrates down to a minimum. However, don’t cut them out of your diet altogether as you will need them for energy. Complex carbohydrates are the best, as they release energy slowly and will keep you full for longer. It’s fine to have a treat of chocolate or fries every now and then but don’t indulge in them every day. Eating healthily has many health benefits. It can help your body improve its immune system, and a balanced diet can ward off certain diseases and illnesses. You’ll also find that your skin improves if you eat a healthy diet, as it will be getting all the important nutrients that it needs.

Keep Fit

A healthy diet won’t help you feel and look great on its own. A  nutritious diet goes hand in glove with an active lifestyle. If you pair the two together, you will feel amazing, and your health will be in great shape! Regular exercising has many different and varied benefits. First of all, it can help you stay at a healthy weight. Our bodies need to stay active to help them burn off excess calories that we consume. If we don’t burn off these calories, all the energy converts to fat. That is when we start to put on weight. So in order to stay trim and have a body you want to show off, you need to be exercising on a regular basis. Staying fit also has an impact on our mental health. Leading an active lifestyle is a great way to prevent and deal with depression. If you start working out, you will find that your moods and energy levels improve. Regular exercise is also thought to help reduce the risks of certain illnesses, including diabetes and colon cancer.

Oral Hygiene

Don’t like your smile? That could be because your teeth and gums aren’t in great shape. It’s super important to have excellent oral hygiene. Not only is it important to your overall health, but it also gives you a great reason to smile for the camera! It is very easy to stay on top of your oral health. Make sure that you regularly brush your teeth with fluoride toothpaste at least twice a day. If you have a meal that is particularly high in sugars, brush afterwards as well. Try to remember to use mouthwash and dental floss. These can help to reduce the number of bacteria in your mouth and get rid of any bits of food that your toothbrush can’t reach. It is also imperative to visit your dentist regularly. Try to aim for at least twice a year. This way, he or she can check over your teeth to make sure they are doing okay. If not, they can treat any issues or illnesses. It’s always a good idea to have full dental insurance to cover you for whatever treatment you may need. You can find out more info about various dental plans online here at mydental.guardianlife.com/our-plans/. Think your teeth are too crooked or are starting to discolour? Speak to your dentist about cosmetic options. There are a few different treatments that can fix your teeth and make them as good as new!

Find Your Perfect Skin Routine

Our skin is one of the first telltale signs of how healthy we really are. If we aren’t feeling too good, you can be sure that your skin will show it! One of the best ways to keep your skin in tip-top condition is to keep on top of your overall health. However, there are other little cheats you can do to help it look its best. One unbeatable way is to find your perfect skin routine. We all have different skin types.

The three most common are oily, dry, and combination. Whichever one you have will affect your skin routine. If you have oily skin, you shouldn’t buy any skin products that have high moisture levels. As these will only make your skin more oilier, which could result in a breakout. As for dry skin, products with lots of added moisture can be very beneficial. You’re very lucky if you have combination skin, as you can usually get away with using any product! So what is the best skin routine? Most people cleanse and moisturise on a daily basis. These two steps are the very minimum you should be doing for your skin. If you feel you need to, you can also use night creams or primers.

Regular Health Checkups

If you haven’t been feeling too great lately and aren’t quite sure why, give your family doctor a visit. In fact, it’s good to keep up with your regular checkups even if you feel perfectly fine. During a checkup, your doctor will ask you about your lifestyle and chat to you about your family history. This will give him or her a good idea of what to expect. He or she will then give you a physical examination. There is nothing to worry about during the examination. Your weight and height will be recorded. Then the doctor will check you all over to make sure everything is fine. Regular checkups are important, as they are a great way to detect any diseases or illnesses at an early stage. The earlier something is caught, the quicker it can be treated. And that improves your chances of a full recovery.

Hair Care

Let’s not forget about your hair as well! If you look after your hair, you will find that bad hair days become a thing of the past. Just like with our skins, we all have different hair types. This will impact which types of shampoos and conditioner you need to buy so that your hair stays in its best condition. No matter what type of hair you have, you need to be deep conditioning it at least once a month, though. You can buy special conditioners that do just this. Alternatively, use a natural product such as coconut oil. Simply rub the coconut oil or conditioner into your hair and leave it for at least twenty minutes. Once you rinse it off, your hair will be fully hydrated and super smooth!

Hopefully, this guide will help you look and feel your best at all times. You will be surprised at how some of these little changes will make a big difference! And they won’t just leave you looking and feeling good; you’ll also be a lot healthier too!

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How To Cope When Your Marriage Is On The Rocks

All relationships go through rocky patches. After all, we’re all human. We grow and change, and sometimes we move in a different direction to our partners. Part of what keeps a marriage strong is the flexibility to move together, to share, and to sacrifice as needed. Of course, sometimes, that can simply be too much to ask. There may have been events that have made you each doubt your feelings for each other. Or maybe, you have just come to the end of the relationship.

Saving a marriage isn’t always possible. But there are many things you can try if you are both willing to. Marriage counselling offers one of the best ways to bring angry couples together in a structured conversation. Often, talking about feelings is too hard to do. Perhaps you’re not really sure what your feelings are or why you have them. Counselling can offer the best environment to explore those and begin to repair the damage.

If you have children living with you, a tense relationship will be obvious to them. Hiding it won’t help because they’ll begin asking you about it. Instead, why not share with them that the two of you are a little bit cross with each other. You could let the kids know that you would both like some space to deal with that. An open conversation will help prevent the kids blaming themselves or getting upset about your behaviour.

Date nights can help a couple reconnect. However, it’s important to remember that you should both give your full attention to each other. Turn off the email, social media and text alerts. Make a point of looking each other in the eye. And do only the things you both love doing rather than trying just to please the other person. Sometimes a weekend away can help, but there may be other stresses to consider so far away from home.

If your marriage cannot be repaired, it may be a good idea to separate sooner rather than later. An amicable divorce is always preferable, especially if the kids or a new partner is involved. You can find out how to file for divorce online. Often, a prolonged period of separation is required, so it may be best to sort out new accommodation that suits everyone. Start to manage your own finances too. Figure out how the kids will be looked after financially between the two of you.

Divorce proceedings can get quite tense and stressful, so it’s best to hire a good lawyer to take care of it for you. If being with each other is too painful then this may be the best way to approach ending your relationship. It can be helpful, when appropriate, to involve your kids in conversations about future living arrangements. It will stop each partner feeling that the kids are being used in any way to hurt them.

Not all relationships can be saved. And not every partner wants to save their marriage. If you feel it’s time to move on, it may make sense to start divorce proceedings.

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Vita Liberata || Capture The Light Skin Finish

I first came across Vita Liberata in the summer of 2009 when I first tried their awesome fake tan and was instantly intrigued by this brand because it makes some pretty major claims and, as a fake tan scaredy cat it was one of two brands that I could use and not feel anxious about doing so. This made me wonder how other products would perform especially as I had no negative reactions after using the tan, most products cause some sort of reaction on my pathetic skin these days.  

Vita Liberata (I'll just call them VL from here on) launched back in 2007, they wanted to create a brand that was completely non-toxic and organic and they did just that. VL now happily take on the title of being the world's leading non-toxic and organic tanning company. 

I was so happy to be asked to review their Capture The Light - Illuminating Skin Finish because I love that it can be used on top of a tan or alone on naked skin. Multi-functional products are always going to be a winner for me as honestly, I hate wasting money on things I'll use once and leave lying in a drawer. 

You can use this product on your chest, arms, legs, body or face - basically anywhere and everywhere. If you apply this on top of a tan, it will leave you with that gorgeous golden glow that we see celebrities with and are envious of - surely it's not just me that gets glow envy?

If you apply this naked or as a base it's going to make your skin healthy, luminous and radiant. I've actually used it to highlight my cheekbones and my brow bones and it looks gorgeous just used simply - or - I use this on my peely-wally legs to give them some sort of dimension rather than looking like a ghost - the glow itself looks natural and stops my glaringly obvious veins from screaming ''look at me'' in the summer seasons. 

I'm kicking myself for not taking a picture of it on, I promise I'll get that added though lovelies, the skin finish also contains SPF15 but be sure to still add extra protection if you're only adding it to your cheeks or brows or chest. You can pick this up over on the Vita Liberata website.

Wellbeing | Common Yoga Problems and How To Fix Them

When it first hit the mainstream, yoga was something that was done by the middle classes in an attempt to find zen. It was ridiculed as pointless at best, and cultural appropriation at worst. No one took it seriously. Fast forward a decade and change, and it's now widely accepted that yoga has a whole host of wonderful benefits. Not only can it help your core strength, suppleness, and general physical tone; it also has a positive impact on your mood. Many people throughout society now turn to it as a coping mechanism for modern life, describing it as the only time they feel at peace.

So what if you've tried yoga and not found it's had the same effect for you? It can be tricky to understand- after all, everyone swears by this stuff, but you're uncomfortable. We're going to try and root out the cause of these problems and, most importantly, offer some fixes for them.

Problem: "It hurts."

What's Going Wrong: You're going too fast, too soon. Like all forms of exercise, it's going to take awhile to build up your strength to be able to handle it. Don't think you will be able to contort yourself into a pretzel from the off. This should be a beneficial activity. Pain is your body's way of saying you should stop and slow down. It's vital you listen to it.

Problem: "I get distracted during the class."

What's Going Wrong: While you can still feel the physical benefits without the calming mental side, it's not ideal. Yoga should be about the joining of the two parts of you, the mental and the physical. Distraction is a common problem if you're in a large class. The problem might be that the class is of varying levels of ability, so you get bored or find yourself rushing to keep up. Or it might be the class altogether. If you tend to thrive in one-on-one environments, then Private Yoga is a good solution.

Problem: "I don't feel better for it."

What's Going Wrong: It may be again that you're doing too much too soon, but it could also be the opposite. If you stay at a level that is lower than what you are capable of, you can find you're not getting the endorphin rush yoga should bring. You need to push yourself but within limits, with an experienced instructor guiding your way. YouTube videos and your front room are not going to produce the best results as personalised tuition from an expert.

Problem: "I don't feel it's for me."

What's Going Wrong: Your mind is trying to block you from doing something for no good reason at all. One of the benefits of this type of exercise is that there is something that suits all because it can all be tailored to your individual needs. It even suits those carrying injuries or with movement problems, both young and old alike. You're not going to know until you try it. Go for a month and then see how you feel- chances are, you'll come to love it in no time.