Parenting || Creating A Secure Life For Your Kids

You don’t need me to tell you this, of course, but kids need a lot of tending to as they are growing up! They are delicate little flowers that take in so much information from their environment. And, the slightest little incident or change can often have a lasting impact. Obviously, this can go one of two ways. You can make their environment safer and better, and they will thrive. Or, you can change things for the worse, and it might have a negative impact. 

With this in mind, I thought I would spend today going through a few things you can do to create a safe and secure space for your child to grow. Take a read - and feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section!

Don’t move too often

According to research, children who move house three or more times before they are five can develop issues. Moving home is stressful enough for us adults, so imagine what it’s like for your little ones. And it has a significant impact. Children who frequently change homes are more likely to fail in school, smoke, and drink, and even attempt suicide. Those are stark statistics - so maybe bide your time a little before you move house again?

Save money

Raising a child is expensive, and most of us struggle to manage the costs. However, if you can just put aside a little each month, you will be providing them with a nice little security blanket. Accidents and emergencies happen all the time, and without any savings, they are going to hit your regular finances. It can lead to debt and stress - and it can all rub off on your kids. So, build a financial buffer so that you can remove those impacts from you child’s life completely.

Legal advice

Sensible people have family lawyers - they are not just for the wealthy. A good solicitor will be there for you whenever you need advice, and help point you in the right direction when trouble rears its head. And, should your relationship start to break down, they might be able to help you salvage things in the best possible way

Routine

Kids thrive a lot more when they have a reliable routine. It helps give them the space they need to grow, but at the same time keeps them within boundaries. The more changes that occur, the more confusing it can be for the poor little mites. And, given that their thoughts and bodies are changing almost every day already, they already have a lot on their plate. 

A loving environment

I know how hard it can be when you are under pressure to tidy the house or get the shopping done. And, it’s easy to forget about the needs of your kids when you can’t think straight. But, every once in awhile it’s important to take a break and remind yourself and your children about how much you love them. It has a positive effect - more so than you can imagine. And, it helps give them that nurturing, secure environment they need to thrive.

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Breaking Up || Conscious Uncoupling


You know I've been married for years - twelve to be exact. I've talked about marriage, relationships and what makes it work plenty of times before but I realised, yesterday while chatting to some co-workers that I've never discussed how to tackle a separation. Now just because I'm married doesn't mean I haven't had my heart broken, believe me I have so I like to think I can offer some advice here on conscious uncoupling or at least enough to ease the transition. 

Summer's nearing and with this seasonal changes comes some pretty major shifts in our lives - some will move away, some will return home. School, colleges, gap years and just plain natural separations will all happen but especially more so in summer. There are a lot of variables that come into play when the suns out, when we feel more positive because there's more sunlight or even because we're out and about more. The thing is, if you're partner is a dick and you've come to realise you're just not in love then the best thing is to cut ties. However, if you're undecided about whether you should try again to renew a failing relationship or how to cut ties I hope this little listable will help you out and make things easier.


Do You Really Want This....?

The first thing you need to do is make sure it’s what you really want. I previously wrote a blog post on: The secrets to a happy marriage. If you've taken a look at that and thought 'ugh' then you have some deciding to do my lovely. No matter what books and films would have you believe, the best relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. You shouldn’t necessarily split up with somebody who is otherwise perfect for you because they don’t cater to your every single whim and need. All relationships have rough patches. They aren’t always a rush of chemicals and excitement. Make sure that a break up is what you really want, as it isn’t fair to send your partner mixed signals or go backwards and forwards with them until you know what you want. You either put your all into this relationship and make it work or let it go completely. 

Be Honest With Them

If you’ve decided that you want to break up, be honest with your partner. Depending on the state of your current relationship, they may or may not have seen it coming. If they didn’t, this will be hard on them, so expect a multitude of reactions. If it’s something they can do something about, then maybe give your relationship one last chance to work. If it’s a difference you just won’t be able to work through, then make that clear. You don’t want to give them any false hope or ideas that you’ll get back with them one day. If you’re married, then you can look into getting a divorce online to make the next step easier, rather than using solicitors and dragging out the process. 

Considering Others

If there are children or a close family involved, consider them. Of course you shouldn’t stay with anybody out of obligation, but you should consider how you’ll break the news to them and say your goodbyes. You could discuss this with your ex partner.

Get To Know Yourself Again

Instead of heading straight out there and trying to find somebody to take the pain away, you should absolutely take the time to get to know yourself again. What do you want to do with your spare time now that you have more of it? What do you want to make a hobby? Learn more about? Take plenty of time to rediscover yourself. 

Many people lose themselves in a relationship, so get to know the real you again. It's summer so there's plenty to do, plenty of sunlight and hopefully you'll still have some holidays available from work to get out and try new things.

Cut All Contact
This is probably the hardest part because it means having a new routine, changing old ways and this says it's final. Cutting all contact with them is plausible even if you have children. While you will always have a relationship if you have children you need to cut them out of your life and then reintroduce them as your children's father or mother. Even if you're removing all traces of that life, delete them from your phone, then re-add them as an official name, change the fragrance you wore that they loved (at least until the rawness has gone), change up the layout of your home and bedroom (especially the bedroom), buy different foods, do the things they hated (leaving the toothpaste lid off...hello!) It's the small steps that will trick your brain into cutting contact. 

You want them to know that you’re cutting all contact with them (in whatever capacity fits your situation of course) because you don’t want to make it harder on either of you. If you’ve been in constant contact for the past few years, it can be really difficult to do this. You may want to message them just to see if they are OK or to check their social media pages - don't! block them. One day you may be able to speak with them again and even be friends but until you are both fully over the relationship and break up, it won’t be healthy to have any kind of relationship unless you both consciously uncoupled together.

Learn Lessons From The Break Up

OK so you decided to break up. Things are tough and you felt like your world was falling apart. Well, it will get better. My advice for this stage is to stop viewing the breakup as a negative event. Sure you had your heart broken but how did the relationship and the split strengthen you as a person. We go through bad things to build strength in our character and this is no different. So, make sure you take heed of any lessons that come from the break up

No relationship is wasted providing you learn from it. What did this person teach you about life and about yourself?