Back In The Saddle? Sex After Having A Child


From the moment your wedding ring was put on, your life was changed forever. And after that, you added an extra bundle of love to your life with a baby, and again, your life changed insurmountably. And the fact is there's a lot of work to be put into ensuring that you, as a couple, stay close to one another. When you have a baby, the sex immediately drops down the priority list. 

And so, what can you do to ensure that this doesn't become one of those things that only happens once or twice a year?

Getting Closer Again

A lot of people can feel like sex after a baby is a chore, but this is when you have to think about the fact that it's not something that needs to be done so, therefore, you can feel close to your partner. It's about becoming closer with your other half, and sex becomes a by-product of this. 

Instead of forcing it upon yourself to do it like clockwork, you should think more about spending quality time together. This is very important during the first year of your baby's life. If having a baby puts a lot of demands on you, you may very well find that you and your partner are like passing ships in the night. Take the opportunity not to do it to “get it out of the way,” but sit together, talk, and do those things that you did so effortlessly before the baby came along.

Not Piling The Pressure On

We can feel that we have to do this so we can feel like a couple again, but it's not about piling this pressure on, and if you decide that you would like to do it at the weekend, think about making it more playful, and just relaxing into it, rather than filling yourself with nerves and anxiety so it doesn't happen anyway. And, just think about integrating playfulness and fun back into your lives, rather than feeling like you've got duty upon duty to complete. 

Having a laugh is just as important. And you can make it part of the fun. Perhaps print some custom condoms with a playful message, or just think about having a play in other ways. Don't think about it being an almighty pressure, because you won't enjoy it!

Is It Just Not Physically Possible?

Understandably, many parents feel doing the deed while there's a baby sleeping in the Moses basket next to them doesn't just feel right. And as children get older, they may end up sleeping in their own room, but they may also end climbing into bed with you! And this can put a lot of pressure on your parenting, as well as your relationship. And if you're both feeling the urge, then it's time to think more carefully about it, perhaps move to the couch. 


But if you've got a child draining your mental and physical resources anyway, you're not going to want to do it. And, unfortunately, it might just be a case of having to let this pass. Or, putting more rules in place, so the child sleeps in their bed. This can mean a lot of tantrums from their perspective, but if it means you’ll have the opportunity to get close again, then it's worth it.

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