I've been guilty of this for most of my life. I'm definitely a 'yes' person because the way I see it if I can help someone and make something easier for them (as long as it's no trouble to me) then I'll do it within reason. I became the person that everyone came to asking for help, advice or support and I really didn't mind.
That is, until it became apparent that I was the go-to girl but alongside being the go-to girl I became the person that got nothing in return. I'm definitely not one of those who does a favour for a favour or expects a multitude of thank-you's for days afterwards but what I do expect is to be respected - to be honest, it's the only thing I ever expect of anyone. I believe by demanding respect from others makes you respect yourself and that is important.
I would help but when it came to asking a favour - an emergency at that I would always get the I'm too busy card or blatantly ignored. This would happen time and time again and I felt that the only thing I required from those I loved wasn't being offered - respect. I made a resolution last year that I would stop saying 'yes.' That I would let others figure it out because it tended to be small things that were asked of me, I believed it would be the easiest resolution ever but what I didn't expect was just how hard it actually was.
There were a few times I went to help people and had to take a minute to step back and say 'nope don't speak, they can figure this out themselves' and they did. It didn't stop them from continually asking though and at one point in March it became t-o-u-g-h! I stuck by my guns and did it, I still struggle with it but by doing so I realised that it's not being selfish, it's not me being ignorant or unloving and in fact, it's made me realise that I don't need to help everyone and anyone.
By not helping it doesn't make me selfish. It's freed up a huge amount of time which has allowed me to blog more, play more with my sons and get my health back on track; it's also reduced my stress and I've definitely become happier in every way.
What this quote tells you is to think of everything you want to achieve, what you need to do and the things you plan to do. Then take a step back - how much 'free' time do you really have? when you're asked to do things for others remind yourself about how much free time you have and consider if you will ultimately be wearing yourself thin.
If you will be then it's really OK to say 'no.' It doesn't make you a bad human and anyone who would think that really doesn't respect you. Respect is a huge thing but a small thing at the same time, when you receive the respect it feels like the biggest thing in the world when you expect it from those close to you you're really only asking for a small token of their appreciation.
So let's start a new movement 'Request Respect' I promise it's going to improve your life when you do.
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