When I started this blog a few years ago it was always intended to be a source of inspiration - a place where others could enjoy features based on real life, real stories that show triumph and real reviews with products that are judged on their usefulness and not because they're 'hyped' or I've been asked to review them.
I've noticed that the real-life posts aren't that popular but the emails I receive from others who totally get those posts mean the world to me. I write many of my real life posts from a place of understanding, I realise there are others who are suffering greater experiences than I am and to those people, I reach out. My overall aim in life is to help anyone and everyone - I live to help (too much to be honest) others where possible because if someone is struggling that little glimmer of hope that comes from someone helping you unconditionally, expecting nothing in return can turn that crappy situation round or at least get you through the day knowing you're not alone.
I rarely ask for anything in return. I find it hard to ask for help and to trust (I know a lot of people can understand this) but I'm working on it. When you've been hurt so much it takes time to build yourself back up. When you're going through bad situations, it takes a lot of time to get yourself back to normality and when you're ill - days feel likes years and months like an eternity.
As I write this 'honestly' I am in tears. I feel bad about crying because I rarely do it but there comes a point where everything gets on top of you and the only outlet is to cry. For the past five years, my health's plagued me. Factoring in my small children and being ill I was left feeling like a failure, I do have mummy guilt about being ill and I've worked my butt off trying to reclaim my health. Eventually, after taking some pretty strong injections suited to cancer patients (I don't have cancer) I reclaimed my life back to the point of being able to take my kids to school. To clean the house, to start my blog and to get back working.
Stopping the injections resulted in some side effects but all I could care about was having my life back for my sons. Hugs, playing, walking - I could do it all without pain. You may have noticed recently that I've discussed the physical things such as allergies, cysts, bumps and such and while they are deeply upsetting I rarely discussed the other issues that clearly were the factors that were causing the physical symptoms described above.
I have tried everything and nothing seems to be improving my situation. I'm so frustrated and feel as though I'm fighting my own body, to keep my life, to do more with my sons and to never EVER go back to the point of not being capable of lifting, cooking, walking and getting out of the house. I studied for a degree in health and medical sciences to try and find a cure for my issues, I study daily (no joke) reading up on health and medical journals, alternative medicine and diets that ''could'' help improve my symptoms just hoping to one day have a month without symptoms, for me that would be a dream.
The mummy guilt eats me up most nights. Knowing that I'll be in pain for days after going to the park or lifting up my son to play is just not fair, they've adjusted exceptionally well but I just hate how unfair it is on them. I hate them having to see me taking my medications, I hate them seeing me wince in pain when I've done something tough or see me grab a wall as I'm ready to black out from dizziness. I hate them also thinking that mummy's just 'tired' all of the time, that mummy must be lazy because she can't do what they do or even worry that they might end up getting this when they're older. When you have poor health it's easy to see who you can rely on and that stark truth hurts even more than the pain - you'll see best friends and family members turn their back on you just because they can't see the conditions - you can't see heart disease, liver disease or mental health but those conditions are readily accepted as bad (on occasion) conditions, so why can't auto-immune and hereditary conditions be viewed in a similar manner?
I've personally tried, acupuncture, magnet therapy, reiki, positive thinking, colon cleanses, eating 100% gluten-free including skincare, beauty and hair care products (still doing this), I've tried 100% raw-vegan, I've tried 80/10/10, I've tried eating a banana diet, I've tried enema's (lots of variations), alkali diet, paleo diet, I've tried drinking potions, applying lotions and lots of wonderful pulse point tricks, supplements and exercises. If it's affordable chances are I've tried it. I never give up hope.
See my issues are that I try something and it works for a week or two, possibly three. As soon as my body gets used to it, my body fights back. The results are rashes, scabs, huge cysts, GERD (at extreme levels), migraines (daily), nausea, sickness, blacking out, head scabs, hair loss, pain - SO much pain!, colitis flaring up, severe heart palpitations (that suffocate me as they hold for too long), heart shaking, breathlessness and a whole lot more.... While many of these symptoms are manageable normally, I tend to get them bad. Huge cysts all over my face and scalp, rashes that cover my neck, inner arms and stomach and breasts constantly and hair loss. This alone is enough to affect your confidence.
If I try a natural skincare product that contains anything lab grown or grown from GMO (SLS, Parabens, Synthetic anything) then I can be sure the symptoms will start after one to two weeks of use. I've taken my routine as natural as I can in my diet and skincare routine but of course, the two worlds coincide. If you eat something the symptoms come out on your body and skin, if you apply something then it can affect you internally. For me, it feels like a no-win situation. I know reading this it may sound a bit prissy - some spots, allergies who does this girl think she is? The reality is that I do have many conditions, most auto-immune and most are pretty hellish - I don't want to list them because I'm never going to be someone who looks for attention or looks to get sympathy for something others are struggling through (and worse).
I mentioned that I rarely ask for help, I am now asking if anyone can help me? Have you gone through anything like this? Did you find something to help you in the short or long term? Have you found products that you could use that caused no side effects? How did you manage mummy guilt? You can email me on sweetelysepr@gmail.com if you don't want to comment below or Tweet, hopefully, some options will be enough for others to get some help too. Let's help each other if we can.
Normal blogging will resume tomorrow, I promise. Much love to you all.
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