\ Vagina Flowers & TMI Rant (You've Been Warned) - Sweet Elyse

Vagina Flowers & TMI Rant (You've Been Warned)

When you first move home on your own there are a few things you come to realise. Cleaning is a must, bills don't pay themselves and you can't mask nasty smells with synthetic air sprays as it only makes the stench worse! 

There's nothing worse than having a scent that you can probably live with masked with horrible synthetic scents, the accumulated scent is always worse than the original and for some strange reason you just can't get rid of it. This exact problem is happening but closer to home ladies.

As a generation, we've become very OCD with scent. Sprays, deodorants, oil burners, air sprays, candles, diffusers, perfumes and body products. Superbugs are prevalent because they've gotten used to our antibacterials our immune systems don't function nearly as well because we're 'too clean' which is reducing our capabilities to fight new infections. I think most ladies can hold their hands up to having thrush at some point in their lives which may have been caused or worsened by over-cleaning down there *ahem*.  

As a teenager I believed my lady parts needed some serious cleaning, I was pretty grossed out by the comings and goings of my own parts. The thing is it actually cleans itself! granted we need to do some work but over cleaning throws out the ph balance which then leads to thrush *ouch* Anything that's unnatural can throw off your PH levels - bleeding, perfumes, bath products you name it, they can all cause lady part issues, that's why I've grown to be proud of my own parts - natural scent and all because am I heck going to cause any unnecessary 'conditions' like thrush or BV.

So why is it that the lovely peeps at P&G (or more so their Always brand of sanitary protection) believe that our naturally beautiful and hormonal lady parts are so honking that this scent needs to be masked? When did we become a generation that felt it was OK to be so horrified with our natural processes? What's next, mini fans down there to stop any sort of sweat? A plug to stop any discharge?

P&G feel that we ladies need to be floral fresh down there and that we should be grateful because menstrual blood *shudders* is the worst smell around! That's why they changed their pads to the new and improved ones that offer you a 'fresh clean scent' because they contain magical little 'odour neutralising pixies within the individually wrapped packets. I mean W.T.F! 

I was literally speaking with Connor about this issue this morning, I was discussing how horrible the scent is and it literally sticks to your hands (even after washing), your lady parts and envelopes the bathroom with menstrual pad synthetic fragrance. Connor had mentioned that 'maybe some ladies don't like their smells' and that was a cue for my rant...

Advertisers target women. You see adverts that show ladies with smooth armpits because clearly any sort of hair or darkened skin in that area is horrifying and ladies should sort that shit out, any sort of body odour - natural or unnatural needs taken care of, any pimple or blemish needs blasting away and any lump, bump or cellulite mark needs exercising to perfection, dieted to reduce your size or sucked out. Men, on the other hand, they have an invisible deodorant that lasts 48 hours and hair gel. Marketing doesn't target men in the same way that it does women and it's this marketing and the resulting hype that's lead us all to become so terrified of our own naturally beautiful bodies.

Some are on board with the Free The Nipple movement (I'm totally on board with that). I say Free The 'Natural' Vagina Smells! The worst part of all of this odour neutralising technology and shitty floral scent is that the pads actually give a lot of people thrush, myself included! I can literally feel the sting down below as soon as I put on a pad and pull up my pants. Granted I don't complain about tummy aches and cramps during my flow because I'm too focused on not hoicking down my pants and scratching my bits to oblivion! 

And then there's work... Just imagine, you're in a meeting, you go to cross your legs to get comfortable only to find that this movement has triggered the so-called 'odour core' to release its godforsaken floral scent; your colleague turns to you and says 'oh what perfume are you wearing?'...*flushes with embarrassment* 

Yeah well, about that...

Other than the embarrassment and nausea-inducing scent there is, of course, one of the more important factors - the labia pain and the resulting itchiness which can (and has) turn into a full-blown thrush escapade. It's a never-ending cycle of discomfort down there as we come to rely on these scented pads to cover up any thrush or issues we've accumulated from using their products in the first place. 

I went to Poundland today to pick up some BIC's and notebooks and figured I'd check out the health and beauty aisle. I kid you not right at the end of the aisle (across from the baby products) there's a whole shelf targeting vagina smell worries. There's Vagisil wash, there's a brand of vagina wipes and vagina deodorant! VAGINA DEODORANT PEOPLES! All marketed as odour neutralisers but all clearly synthetic fragrance laden products that will increase your chances of throwing off your own delicate PH levels.

If you're looking for alternatives it can be hard to know where to start, the big brand pads, tampons and towels are generally pretty nasty for our vagina flora. I've checked for the older non-scented brands and they are being sold for a whopping price these days. Sometimes Poundland has the super old non-scented ones in but these were the pads that were like nappies. Again, if you're looking for less pain it's always an option. I know I prefer a thicker pad to a thin but painful one. 

Here are some recommendations, however;

Cups - These are simple and cost-effective products that you simply pop in, rinse and re-apply. 

△ Mooncup
△ Diva Cup 
△ Lola Cup 

Organic Sanitary Protection - These don't come with the added nasties like the scented pads do. 

△ Natracare Ultra Pads
△ Heavy Wildlife Collection 

Organic Tampons - Just like the pads above, these are kinder to your body. 

△ TOTM Organic Tampons
△ Natracare Tampons

My recommendations are to put down the products, stick to water and a quick clean and go to your doctors if anything looks a bit nasty down there. Vagina happiness is important to our overall happiness and comfort. 

You know what - I don't think I've ever written the word vagina quite as much as I have done today *yay*



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