To Truly Love Someone, You Have To Love Yourself

Love is a funny concept. It has been written about, sung about, spoken of and both defined as a beautiful, uplifting experience and also one that curses humankind in the same breath. Love can make us do things we would never do otherwise, and it can also harm our self-esteem if a loving relationship turns into a toxic situation.

There are about as many definitions of love as there are people to experience it, and even then, the definitions are splintered. After all, familial love is much different from romantic love, which is much different from platonic love, which could perhaps be considered the most voluntary and pure of its forms.

But one truth, no matter how we may be feeling about love in that particular moment, always echoes above the rest. To truly love someone, in whatever context, you have to love yourself. People often think that the best relationships are those in which the opposite person completes them, but really, said the opposite person is so perfect because they help unlock the full amount of self-love in their partner. This allows the connection between two people to really bloom.

So how can you start this internal process of self-love, and is it as easy as clicking on a light switch to illuminate your thoughts and emotions? In the words below, we’ll explore this nuanced topic:

Accept & Validate Yourself (Through Actions, Not Words)

Accept and validate who you are, because what’s the alternative to doing so? Trying to find validation in everyone you meet or expecting your partner to always provide you with that emotional support even when they’re feeling a little down themselves? It’s a great thing for couples to support one another, but it’s also even better if they can pepper a little self-support or a lot of self-support into that.

After all, how can we expect the world to validate us if we don’t validate ourselves? Surely you know yourself more than anyone else can? Here’s a thought experiment worth trying - what if you just accepted yourself at this moment, with no catches? Sure, your posture may be a little squirrely, and sure you may not have held the elevator door open for that person this morning, but are you really so terrible? Or can you make accepting yourself, as if an affirmation, something to consider? The irony is that giving yourself the chance to do this will actually help you want to improve yourself, and feel natural motivation to do so, because we’ll know we’re good, but also know that we could be prouder of ourselves if we put that effort forth (such as starting a regular exercise regimen). This in itself can be a valuable consideration.

Treat & Pamper Yourself

We all deserve to be pampered from time to time. For instance, using CBD skincare products can help us feel calmer and more relaxed when managing our appearance while heading for a massage from time to time can help us unlock the knots in our shoulders and will relieve tension in the best way. More than that, but giving some time to massage our partner or having them do the same to us can help us feel relaxed in our bodies and nurtures intimacy.

Treating yourself may involve booking an impromptu spa day on a weekend you both have off work, or simply taking your dog for a walk down an alternate, beautiful blooming pathway. You needn’t spend over the odds to treat yourself, it’s the experiences that truly do count.

Do Communicate (You’re Not As Weird As You Think!)

Communicate with your partner. Communicate with those you care about. Don’t be afraid to show your true colours. Be who you are, and don’t be afraid. We’re now living in a culture where it’s fine to be who you truly are for the most part, and doing so can help you truly uncover what’s great about your character.

Does this mean you have to label yourself or dive into theory or become a proponent of political activism? Of course not. It might simply be that you wish to get involved in an otherwise ‘nerdy’ hobby despite having a trendy social group, such as asking your friends to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons with you. It’s little confident measures like this that can show you there’s nothing you should have disparaged in yourself, to begin with, and that can be healing.

With this advice, we hope you can truly love yourself as much as you love the closest people in your life.